I just ran a marathon in seven days flat.

I'm done! Part of our PAC “homework” was to complete a Self Study and I finished mine this morning. This is basically a guided autobiography that J and I were each asked to complete. Mine hovers around eleven single-spaced pages. That’s a lot. The study covers obvious things like your upbringing, your family, and your current relationships. It also asks you questions about your own cultural awareness and diversity, your attitudes toward adoption, highlights of your parenting skills, and the strengths and weaknesses of your self, children, spouse, and self. This is not easy stuff. However, I found this to be a great seven days of thought and reflection and I’m sure that I’ll continue thinking through some of these questions as time goes on. It made me remember things long forgotten and it prompted me to take an honest look at the person that I have become. It required that I do some honest reflection on why I want to parent through adoption. The good news is that I still passionately believe that I am meant to be an adoptive mother. The bad news is that my social worker has to wade through all of this stuff! Seriously, it’s a novella.

I am typically a rather private person and this transcultural/transracial adoption will challenge my nature. Last week at PAC we talked about how adoption is not a private matter. For instance, soon my social worker and I will soon sit down and talk about things that my own mother may not even know. (I’m exaggerating, there’s really nothing that mysterious or dramatic about my life! But still…) And once our child comes home, it will forever be obvious that she joined our family through adoption. I am just on the verge of beginning to grasp what that will mean.

Eyes Wide Open.

That's what this weekend was all about...arming ourselves with information before jumping in. I'm so happy we chose this agency because they truly value education. We spent two exhausting days arming ourselves with experts and resources for our journey. We did a lot of soul searching and learned so much. So. Much. We attended workshops on attachment, transracial families, and Ethiopia. We listened and asked questions to panels of adoptees, adoptives parents, and birth mothers. We learned more about the language of adoption. The loss of adoption. The joy of adoption. We discussed complex issues within a small group. We watched videos. We received packets of articles and extensive book lists. And we were given "homework" to complete, which is the next step in this process. We got up early last Thursday morning and journeyed to Minnesota, thus making us one step closer to Ethiopia.



(I know that we look a little scared? scary? in this picture. We're not. We're really not.)

Two days to PAC.

We're heading to St. Paul late this week for Pre-Adoption Classes (PAC) at our agency. I'm excited. It will be nice to roadtrip with my husband, nice to re-connect with our friends Torrey and Jeff (with whom we're staying), and wonderful to learn all about international adoption. I wonder if we'll come home feeling closer to our daughter? I wonder what we'll cover, and uncover, while we're there? Adoption has gradually become my favorite subject. I am desperate to meet more people who I don't have to worry about boring with long-winded musings and a litany of questions. The whole point of the entire two days is to learn, and talk, about adoption. I need this.

We were talking this week about all of the awful flooding in Iowa that has closed down major roads along our path to Minnesota. We had another bit of rough road trying to find friends and family who were able to take our boys for the two days that we'll be gone. This was discouraging me and I asked J if we should perhaps wait until the July session. He looked at me like I was crazy and said something to the effect of, "Minor detours are certainly not going to stand in my way of getting our next child." And when you put it like that, I would have to agree.

Someone who has been there.

I found this on another blog I was reading. (Linked from my sis-in-laws's blog.) I thought it was a very well-written call to action penned by a couple who recently adopted from Ethiopia.


http://thesweetestthing-family.blogspot.com/2008/05/plight-of-ethiopia.html

Interesting.

I have signed up for some on-line adoption article alerts at various papers. I got one today from the New York Times. It's about the loooong process that international adoption has become. Our agency is featured, as I have noticed it has been several times in this particular paper. Feel free to read it here. The article is interesting. I get it. What I thought was most notable, however, is that the article about international adoption is placed in the Fashion & Style section. Still thinking about this one.

Moving on...

We get to go to PAC in June! We're jazzed. J and I were both hoping our application would be approved and we'd be invited to the June session rather than having to wait until July. And, as an added bonus, we'll get to spend our time in St. Paul with my BFF Torrey and her new hubby Jeff who now live there. Torrey and I have been friends since our freshmen year of college. She is honorary auntie to my children and wrote one heck of a letter of reference for us in our journey for number three. :) Can't wait for this whole experience! (God bless our bro and sis-in-law who will be keeping our boys while we're away. They will be responsible for five children while we're gone. Five!)

Seriously. As excited as I was to see the email that said we got to take the next step in this process (huge lump in throat), I just can't imagine the day I get an email with our referral. Oh my.

I love these people.

The poet Grace Paley writes in her poem News...

we want to leave the room...we may not
we must listen...in this wrong world this
is what...we must do...we must bear it



http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/7411071.stm

Patience, Part I.

Here is what we’ve done so far:

__Initial application to agency
__Three letters of reference from willing and generous friends
__Physicals for all J and I and the boys
__Explanation of any and all mental and physical health issues
__Lots of pieces of paper requiring signatures
__Finger prints for J and I

Now, we wait. Our next step, once all of the above is reviewed by our agency, is to go to a two-day training seminar in St. Paul, MN. We should find out any day now whether we’ll head there for a weekend in June or July. I’m hoping for June because until we go through the training we are at a complete standstill.

Right now, my sights are set on St. Paul and learning everything that we can about international adoption. Lots of to-do lists will follow our weekend in MN, so I’m trying to focus solely on that experience. I have tried not to take a second look at the tasks that follow the training for fear of getting too impatient or overwhelmed. Speaking of being overwhelmed, I just have this truly overwhelming feeling that God’s timing is in all of this. If we have to wait until July to journey to St. Paul it is clearly because God is taking another month to prepare.

Baby steps to our baby girl.